I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Duck Duck Cougar?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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