i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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