My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
