He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
