The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
