When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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