how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
