R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
