Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
