You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
