I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
