Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
