3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
