Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
