i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
