Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
