it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
