so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
