i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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