I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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