I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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