dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
