YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
