Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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