I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
