Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
