I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
