why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
