I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
