woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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