You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
