i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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