guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
