then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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