No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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