Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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