Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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