ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
