never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
This house was built for laser tag.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
