Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
