lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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