I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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