he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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