I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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