I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
