I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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