i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
