You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
