If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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