a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
