I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
